i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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