I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
