the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
