Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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