I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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