at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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