When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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