I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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