I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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