I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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