My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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