I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
