hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
