32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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