shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
