theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
