she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
