If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
