He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
