it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
