I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
