My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
