Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
