i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
