she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
soo... how was my night?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
