i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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