My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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