dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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