I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
