I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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