Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
