Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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