I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
