who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
