ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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