yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
