Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
