mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
