Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
