Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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