you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dicks are not precious.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
