I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
