Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
