Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize