At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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