bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
