This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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