Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize