Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
