Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
