Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize