If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
