He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
