Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
