I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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