You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Fuck appropriateness.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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