Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
