Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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