omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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