Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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