K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
