it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
