we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
