I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
