Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
