i just snorted my name. best moment ever
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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