Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
