Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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