oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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