I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
