dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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