I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
