The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
