Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
No subtext here. People are naked.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize