I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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