We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize