Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
two words: eviction party
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
