I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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