...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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