he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
