@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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