Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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