Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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