You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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