the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
