Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
